What is Needed to be an Effective Caregiver?
What is needed to be an effective caregiver? This is an important question because caregiving is an essential role and has consequences for the care recipient and the caregiver. It takes a lot of time and energy, and most caregivers want to be certain their time isn’t being wasted. Time spent caring for another is time that the caregiver could spend in any number of other ways. If they spend it in the role of caregiver, then they want to be an effective caregiver.
It is common to hear people say that caregivers need training, that there should be a manual about how to be a good caregiver. While training and information are important aspects of being an effective caregiver, it is not the most important factor. The two elements to caring that form an essential basis to effective caregiving is patience and understanding.
Whether you care for someone young, who has a debilitating physical illness or someone with an advanced dementia, the need for patience is foremost. The person you care for can sense when you are in a rush. Your body language reveals that you have a laundry list of tasks to accomplish and standing by the side of your loved one while waiting for them to accomplish a task that you could have done yourself in seconds is a challenge to your patience. It is also a challenge to the person you’re caring for as well. It is very difficult to take a first step when feeling the pressure of the person beside you to just “get it over with”.
How can you increase your patience? Planning is an important part of patience. Things done on the spur of the moment or crammed in between a dozen other tasks will always feel rushed to you and your loved one. Regularity in your plans makes it more likely that the task at hand will get done consistently with less stress. Try to ensure you get enough rest each day. You cannot ever catch up on rest. The body does not work that way. You need to replenish your energy daily as needed. Some caregivers find that the best rest comes when the person you care for is napping. Do not use their nap time to catch up on your work. If there truly are not enough hours in the day to complete the caregiving tasks and all the other things on your plate, you need to get something off your plate. Learn to ask for help. Hire people for some things when needed. Modify your self-imposed standards of performance. Caregiving does not last forever, and you do not want to be the person feeling trapped, unable to live your own life because you are caring for another.
Once you set yourself up correctly to be able to be patient, you need to develop understanding. Understanding comes in two important forms as related to caregiving. First understanding the condition your loved has. Make sure you really know what the illness/issue is and typical progression of the condition. Determine realistically where on the continuum of progression your relative falls. Making ten-year plans for a person with a diagnosis typically lasting 3-6 months is a waste of time and energy. Be realistic, live in the moment, but be aware that some conditions are very long term and there may be several modifications needed to any caregiving plan as the condition progresses.
Second, understand the behavioral changes that typically occur in someone in similar situations as your relative. There are typical behavior patterns with all caregiving situations and the sooner you are aware of what behavioral/emotional challenges your loved one is facing, the better prepared you are to be understanding and supportive. You will be less likely to misinterpret actions and words, which can frequently become a source of misunderstanding, hurt feelings and tension in the caregiving relationship. Caregiver support groups are an invaluable means of gaining increased understanding from people who have been in your shoes, but a few steps ahead of you. Learn from their experiences.
If you approach your role with a positive mindset, understanding the illness and typical behaviors, and you are rested and supported as a caregiver, you may find it to be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.