Building Resiliency
Are you a glass is half empty or half full person? When you look at the glass do you think to yourself: “This is probably the last drink I’ll ever have. There’s no one to go to the store for me. I can’t leave my mom here alone.” Or do you think, “I can’t wait to have that drink. I’m thirsty and it’s going to taste so good. Whatever else is happening can wait until I stop and have a good cold drink and then I can face whatever comes next.” Whichever direction your thoughts take you, remember, it’s a choice you make. Life is full of forks in the road and at each fork you have a choice to make. You may feel that you don’t have a choice because you quickly assess the consequences of the choices and you reject some options as being wrong for you, but that’s also a choice.
It’s important to remember that you are making choices as a caregiver. You are not a victim of fate. You are a compassionate person who is choosing to put another person first, before your desires and needs. You are doing that because perhaps, you love the person, or you feel responsible for the person, or you made a promise to care for the person, or there’s no one else willing to care for them. But you don’t have to take care of them. You can say “No” and someone else will determine how the person you currently care for will be taken care of in the future. It may not be the way your relative wants to be cared for, or the way you think they should be cared for and that may be the reason you are making the choice to care for them but remember it’s a choice and if it doesn’t work for you any longer, you can make a different choice.
Remember this however, when we are faced with difficult choices and we persevere, we increase our ability to make choices and that makes us more resilient. Resilience is a factor in good health, positive mental outlook associated with good health outcomes, greater sociability and decreased loneliness. Resilient people have better ability to ride out tough challenges and have less anxiety and depression than people who lack resilience. Caring for another person is a choice we make and a gift we give, but it also, a gift we receive because it makes us more resilient.