Caregiver Corner
I have heard it said that becoming a family caregiver is like trying to compete at the Olympics without having gone through Olympic Training Camp. It’s very important to learn as much about the caregiving you’re expected to provide as you can. The first thing to learn is that family caregiving is like preparing for a marathon and not a sprint. There isn’t an easily identifiable finish line in sight. For caregiving to be successful someone needs to be the captain of the team and sign on for the duration. It’s important to realize and accept this concept to avoid making short term plans that fail to meet caregiving needs. To survive a marathon you’ll need three things: training, support and self-care.
There are some common mistakes that family caregivers make when beginning on their caregiving marathon: failure to become adequately educated about the short term and long term needs of the person in their care; making a plan that has no room for unplanned changes; failure to include other people in the care plan; and failure to clearly articulate the things that other people can contribute to the care plan.
Asking for participation by other people in providing care is necessary and can make caregiving less stressful, and yet many caregivers acknowledge that there isn’t anyone else on the caregiving team. There is only the care-recipient and the caregiver. Why is this the case? There are several common reasons why this happens. Caregivers often can’t articulate what they need help with. Often, they are experiencing feelings of guilt about caregiving, feeling they aren’t providing as much care as they “should”, or feeling guilty about burdening anyone else with caregiving requests. Sometimes their self-image is at stake. They feel a sense of pride that prevents them from asking for help, as though it implies they aren’t adequate to meet the challenge without help. Sometimes they have a narrow vision of caregiving and don’t realize the breadth of the caregiver’s challenge over the long haul. And sometimes there is longstanding family conflict that is pulled into the caregiving situation. Avoiding the conflict seems easier than asking for help.
If you are a family caregiver who feels a sense of commitment that leads you to being on the team for the long haul, there are things you can do to make the experience less difficult:
- Get educated about the illness your relative has
- Find people to join you on a caregiving team (non-relatives can be very helpful if there is family conflict)
- If the person you care for has the financial means to pay for a few hours per week of a companion or PCA, this is money well-spent to ensure you have regular respite
- Join a support group. There are many free online groups that won’t require making arrangements for care of your relative
- Get regular exercise. There is so much research that shows the physical, mental and emotional benefits of regular exercise for caregivers
- Start a gratitude journal. Everyday write down one thing you notice each day that you are thankful for. If you can’t think of anything, you are too stressed and need help or you will lose your compassion for caring.
- Explore all the resources that are available to assist family caregivers as they face their personal Olympic challenge.
Reach out to the Agency on Aging of SC CT and speak to an information counselor about programs and services available in the community to assist family caregivers.